Another lesson in hyphenating phrasal adjectives
Prolixity is the soul of witlessness.

The dumbass defense

[Post-post note: The pleading talked about in this post was a practical joke that had me fooled when I wrote this. It was never actually filed, and the lawyer who purportedly signed it was the object of the joke, not the originator. For details, read the comments. — Ray]

Here’s an interesting pleading filed by a member of the Texas State Bar, asserting the dumbass defense. I quote:

Defendants assert that Plaintiff’s damages were caused in whole or in part by his own contributory negligence. Specifically, the plaintiff is a dumbass who failed to unlock a twist lock causing his own injury—fucking idiot. Thus, a jury should also consider the negligence of the Plaintiff and defendants assert the dumbass defense.

...

Wherefore, premises considered, Defendants ... prays [sic] for a take-nothing judgment and that the case be dismissed because the plaintiff is a malingering dipshit, for all costs, and for all other just relief.

A tip of the hat and a thousand thanks to Betsy McKenzie for this gem. Betsy notes that the pleading ironically ends with the complimentary closing “Respectfully submitted.”

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