Minor Wisdom

“You can observe a lot just by watching.”

In keeping with this blog’s tag line, here’s a video test of your ability to observe things by watching. (Hat tip to the [non]billable hour.)

I thought one sign was enough.

“Into” is sometimes used as a preposition to describe enthusiasm. I remember one comedian (don’t remember which one) who poked fun at a fitness enthusiast’s statement, “I’m into my body.” Then there’s the headline of this feature. My reaction: if she needs five signs, she’s not paying attention.

Just wondering ...

... whether I’m the only one who sees a double entendre in this headline. (I wonder if batteries were included.)

And I thought “The Gong Show” was harsh.

And the scary part is, someone somewhere has a patent on the nut-whacker.

Life is like this.

Hat tip to eLink.

Quotation of the day

“Language is software for the mind.”

— David McNally. (Hat tip: Writing, Clear and Simple.)

Moose: “I was wondering why she seemed so indifferent.”

I don’t know how to explain these photos on Snopes.com, except to speculate that the moose may have had one too many shots of Canadian Club.

The president’s pants

In 1964, the folks at Haggar Clothing Co. send President Lyndon B. Johnson some Haggar pants. He liked them so much that he wanted to order some more. So what did he do? He picked up the phone and called Joe Haggar to place his order. And glory be to God, the phone call was recorded for posterity. Click here to read the transcript or listen to the recording (Real Player required).

Now you’ve got to love a president who (a) orders his own clothes by telephone, and (b) does so by calling the owner of the company. But what really makes this special is the way LBJ explains why he needs more room in the crotch:

LBJ: Now the pockets, when you sit down, everything falls out, your money, your knife, everything, so I need at least another inch in the pockets. And another thing — the crotch, down where your nuts hang — is always a little too tight, so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it's just like riding a wire fence. These are almost, these are the best I've had anywhere in the United States.

JH: Fine.

LBJ: But, uh when I gain a little weight they cut me under there. So, leave me , you never do have much of margin there. See if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.

JH: Right.

A big tip of the Stetson to The Legal Reader for this one.

(In)famous last words

Via eLink, and courtesy of Brain Candy, here’s a web page of some last words spoken by condemned folk before their executions. Some of my favorites:

Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel.
Executed in electric chair in New York.
~~ George Appel, d. 1928

Take a step forward, lads. It will be easier that way.
Executed by firing squad.
~~ Erskine Childers, Irish patriot, d. November 24, 1922

How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? French fries.
Executed in electric chair in Oklahoma.
~~ James French, d. 1966

I’d like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass.
Executed by injection, Texas.
~~ Johnny Frank Garrett, Sr., d. February 11, 1992

I’d rather be fishing.
Executed in electric chair, Louisiana.
~~ Jimmy Glass, d. June 12, 1987

I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.
Executed by injection, Oklahoma.
~~ Thomas J. Grasso, d. March 20, 1995

You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the Grim Reaper.
Executed in California’s gas chamber.
~~ Robert Alton Harris, d. April 21, 1992

Shoot straight you bastards and don’t make a mess of it!
Executed by firing squad.
~~ Harry Harbord “Breaker” Morant, Australian poet & national hero, d. 1902

Hurry it up you Hoosier bastard! I could hang a dozen men while you’re screwing around.
Executed by hanging Leavenworth, Kansas.
~~ Carl Panzram, d. September 5, 1930

And my # 1 favorite:

Good people are always so sure they’re right.
Executed at San Quentin.
~~ Barbara Graham, d. June 3, 1955

I swear

One of my favorite Three Stooges bits is Curly’s courtroom appearance in Disorder in the Court (video clip below). So I was delighted to read this post on Jerry Buckmeyer’s Say What?!, which shows that sometimes, real life is as funny as the Stooges.