Minor Wisdom

Rest in peace, George

“An update on the comedian health sweepstakes. I currently lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks two to one. But Richard still leads me one to nothing in burning yourself up. See, it happened like this. First Richard had a heart attack. Then I had a heart attack. Then Richard burned himself up. And I said, ‘Fuck that. I'm having another heart attack!’”

— George Carlin, 1937–2008

The Wizard of Odd, Part 3

I guess there’s no denying
I’ve done a lot of lying,
my president to serve.
But you can bet your wisdom tooth
That I would have told the truth,
If I’d only had the nerve.

Now that I’ve finally found my balls,
I want to tell it all
With vigor and with verve.
Sure as my name’s McClellan,
See, I’ve got this book I’m selling.
Yeah, I’ve really got the nerve!

The Wizard of Odd, Part 2

To not be such a hater,
As sour as Darth Vader,
I’d make a brand new start.
I would give up all effrontery.
And I’d let George run the country,
If I only had a heart.

I’d not be such a boor.
I’d give alms to the poor,
And patronize the arts.
I wouldn’t be so tart, nor
Would I shoot my hunting partner,
If I only had a heart.

All smiles, instead of bile.
A happy, pleasant style!
I’d skip and dance along the Senate aisle.
I’d not despise; I’d compromise!

I’d shake hands and kiss the babies,
And be nice to Patrick Leahy,
That miserable fart.
And I’d love milk and honey
More than Halliburton money,
If I only had a heart.

The Wizard of Odd, Part 1

If I were only smarter
Than that one-term Jimmy Carter,
Full of knowledge so arcane.
My thoughts would be so many,
I’d stand up to Mr. Cheney
If I only had a brain.

I could figure out your taxes
And tell you what the facts is.¹
Maybe come in out o’ the rain.
Imagine me, an intellectual!
I might even be effectual,
If I only had a brain.

Oh, I could tell you why
The deficit’s so high.
I might think twice before I start a war.
I’d win debates with Albert Gore.

If I were only smarty,
I’d be good for my own party,
Maybe help out John McCain.
With our allies I’d mend fences
I would speak coherent sentences
If I only had a brain
__________
¹Apologies to Steve Miller.

In case you needed another reason to despise David Vitter

Senate Bill 2731 would authorize appropriations for fiscal years 2009 through 2013 to provide assistance to foreign countries to combat HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis, and malaria. President Bush supports this bill. But seven Republican senators—the so-called “Coburn Seven”—are blocking it from going before the Senate for a vote. Now you may ask yourself, “What kind of sanctimonious prick would do such a thing?” The answer: this guy, and six of his pals.¹

Whether or not you think it would do any good, please send D.V. and his pals a message. Tell them to stop fucking around² and to allow S. 2731 to go to the Senate for a vote. Sojo.net makes it easy for you.

__________

¹ The Dishonor Roll includes Sen. Jeff Sessions (R. Ala.), Sen. Jim Bunning (R. Ken.), Sen. Jim DeMint (R. S.C.), Sen. Richard Burr (R. N.C.), Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R. Ga.), and the ringleader, Sen. Tom Coburn (R. Okla.). And of course, Louisiana’s own junior senator.

² In Vitter’s case, figuratively and literally.

Food: More scarce, more expensive

The high price of gas is a hardship for people who have to drive a lot. But worldwide, a more serious problem is brewing. For instance:

• According to these stories in the Chicago Tribune and the Guardian, high food prices threaten to push 100 million people into abject poverty and hunger.
• Meanwhile, North Koreans are starving. Part of the problem is that South Korea stopped sending them rice. This story reports that the Bush Administration is resuming food aid to North Korea. Good move.

Hat tip to God’s Politics for these items.

Quotation of the day

JFK, 1961:

And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.

My fellow citizens of the world, ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

Athenae, just yesterday:

You do not lose people because you ask too much of them. You lose people because you ask for too little.... [I]t’s not too hard and you can in fact beat back the inevitable with your bare hands and it can happen, and all you need is the example of someone telling you, instead of sit down, shut up, stand up, start yelling. Fight, for the love of your immortal souls. Fight.

In the aftermath of 9/11 they could have asked us for anything. Anything. Enlistment en masse. National service. Financial sacrifice. Put your pantyhose in a drawer and draw a line down the back of your legs with an eyeliner pencil; they could have asked us to build 100,000 airplanes and we would have done it, because we can. But they asked us to go shopping, they told us to take off our shoes in the airport, they lied to us about Iraq. They asked us to be angry and they asked us to be scared and they asked us to turn on each other, and wouldn’t you know it, that’s exactly what happened. They asked us for nothing and that’s exactly what they got.

And the irony is that in our whole life as a country we were never stronger than when we reached out and held on to one another. When we have been weak, when we have failed, it is only because then we let go, turned our backs, hated and feared and strung up garlic and picked up stakes. It is only because then we forgot ourselves, as we have now.

Hat tip to Suspect Device.

A suggestion for legislative pay raises

State Senator Ann Duplessis has caught a lot of flack lately for proposing a substantial pay raise for state legislators. Whatever you think of her proposal, two things should be universally accepted:

1. If legislators are going to be paid at all, then from time to time, a pay raise will be appropriate.
2. The legislators' vote in favor of a pay raise for themselves will always be unpopular with voters.

My own 2¢ on this issue: We should have a provision in the Louisiana Constitution similar to the 27th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution:

No Law, varying the compensation for the services of the Senators and Representatives, shall take effect, until an election of Representatives shall have intervened.

Under the 27th Amendment, a Congress can never enact a pay raise for itself; any pay raise is for the benefit of the next Congress. This has two benefits. First, it reduces the conflict of interests in the Congress voting on the pay raise, as 100% of the representatives and 33% of the senators have no guarantee of being part of the next Congress. Second, it promotes the perception (maybe even the reality) that any vote in this area is motivated by genuine economic concerns rather than self-interest or fear of unwarranted voter backlash.

The nutcracker sweet

This picture, spotted on Library Chronicles, is too funny not to share.

You can buy one of these gems here.

God speed, Mildred Loving

Every student of constitutional law knows about Loving v. Virginia, the Supreme Court decision striking down laws against interracial marriage. Well, Mildred Loving, the petitioner in Loving v. Va., died last Friday. We should commemorate her as we commemorated Rosa Parks.

(Hat tip to Greg Peters.)