Minor Wisdom

“War is an ugly thing ....” —John Stuart Mill

Some versions of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol are good; some not so good. The best thing I can say about this version is it’s over in less than three minutes.

The least offensive Jackie Beat video I could find

While searching for a good version of Santa Baby yesterday, I stumbled upon Jackie Beat’s version. I could have won this Christmas-video war if I had been willing to post it. Alas, it was just too offensive—even too offensive to link to.¹ But I saw some talent there, and decided to dig some more. Found I Saw Daddy Doing Santa Claus. Very funny, but very blue—too blue to embed (but not too blue to link to). Could there be a Jackie Beat video offensive enough for the war without violating the rules of engagement and whatever low standards I have around here? Why, yes, there could. Here is Jackie’s parody of Silver Bells. (Warning: Rated R for language.) If you find it offensive, I assure you the other videos referred to above are much, much worse.

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¹If you want to see it, you have Google; you know what to do.

“But little lord Jesus, no crying he makes.”

You know the line from Away in a Manger: “But little lord Jesus, no crying he makes.” Many a newborn’s parent would like to know how to pull that off. Here’s how.

Merry Christmas, Charles Brown

This is not a Christmas-war video; it’s a seasonal installment of Saturday Evening Blues: Merry Christmas, Baby, by Charles Brown. Enjoy.

Merry Christmas Baby -- Charles Brown blues

Terrorist warfare

No one said that terrorism is off limits in the Christmas video war. So I’ll be the first to go there. Here is Achmed the Dead Terrorist singing his holiday favorite, Jingle Bombs:

I can’t do anything right

For the last few days, I’ve searched for bad Christmas videos. Alas, I’ve found two amateur videos that are actually kind of good. Lousy weapons of war, but worth sharing.

First, here’s a fellow who re-arranges some Christmas standards Bob Dylan style:

Next,the Ghetto 12 days of Christmas:

I’m sorry that these aren’t bad. But maybe I’ll find something worse between now and 12/25. We can only hope.

Feline pharmacy

“Cats are low-maintenance pets,” they say. They’re wrong. The cats in the Ward household are now batting 4 out of 4 for daily prescription medication. Here’s the rundown:

• Jelly Roll, the tubby tabby, gets theophylline every day for control of asthma.
• Wednesday and Alexis (a.k.a. Petunia) take Elavil, their little blue helper for their anxieties. Wednesday has been on Elavil since Katrina. Alexis joined the club today, after her annual veterinary checkup.
• Rocky has the best deal of all. For his arthritis, he gets two pain medications: Gabapentin and Buprenorphine, a synthetic opiate. He walks kind of funny; I’m not sure whether that’s due to the arthritis or the Buprenorphine. Either way, I doubt it bothers him, especially when the meds kick in.

Suicide on a bike

Please visit Jewel Thinks and read Suicide on a bike. Do it right now. And please be reminded that, no, it ain’t over. (Greg: thanks.)

“War is not an adventure. It is a disease. It is like typhus.” —Antoine de Saint-Exupery

It seems the Christmas-video war is moving into an ugly phase. See, e.g., Maitri and Greg. Here is my poor effort to respond in kind:

PERE NOEL AUTOMATE MUSICAL VILLAGE PEOPLE CHRISTMAS
Uploaded by FMILD34

I hope he comes out of this okay, but still ....

Kidnapping is no joke. I hope and pray that the subject of this post will be returned safely to his loved ones. Having said that, here is the headline of the day (with hat tip to Improbable Research):

U.S. anti-kidnap expert kidnapped in Mexico