the (new) legal writer

A nice use of the stress position

Roy Peter Clark has observed that children who write sometimes intuitively know how to use the stress position: the end of a sentence or paragraph. Case in point, spotted on Matthew Stibbe’s Bad Language:

Word Perhect

Here’s Word Perhect, an on-line word processor. It lets you compose a document on whatever’s handy  (e.g. a rumpled receipt, the back of an envelope, a piece of cardboard). It actually works, sort of — I just used it to print something on the back of a travel card. Give it a spin, and make sure to try out all the features. (Hat tip to Slaw.)

Golden Gobbledygook

Adam Freedman, proprietor of Party of the First Part, announces the first Golden Gobbledygook Award, for the worst example of legalese nominated. The winners won’t receive anything, but the people who nominate them will receive fabulous prizes. Nominations will be accepted until September 14, and the, uh, winners will be announced on September 21. For more information, click here.

The color purple

Who puts the purple in purple prose? Not Prince, but the winners of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. To read this year’s honorees, click here. (Hat tip to Legal Writing Prof Blog.)

“[A]nd we got this from the horse’s mouthpiece ...”

Matt Conigliaro recommends Judge Farmer’s second opinion in Funny Cide Ventures, L.L.C. v. Miami Herald Publishing Co., No. 4D06-2347 (May 16, 2007). After reading it, so do I. According to Judge Farmer, here’s what prompted it:

I should state publicly my own resolution, made several months ago. I had decided that the style of some opinions could—and should—be unconventionally changed for greater openness to all readers. I would try to write some opinions in styles and tones calculated to make legal reasoning clearer for those without law degrees. Then came this case.

p.s. (5/18/07): For interesting commentary on Judge Farmer’s opinion, visit The California Blog of Appeal.

Cure your writer’s block

Of course you’re creative. But if you’re¹ your creative wheels haven’t turned in a while, the axles may be a little rusty.  If so, try some virtual WD-40: a web page titled Cure Writer’s Block!, full of toys, techniques, and tools to get your wheels turning. (Hat tip to Matt Homann.)

__________

¹ No idea how that faux pas happened.

A brief that lives up to its name

Courtesy of Jerry Buchmeyer, via SW Va. Law Blog, here is the entire text of a brief in opposition to “motion to reinstate a ‘truly frivolous wrongful termination suit’ that the defendant had won in a jury trial”:

Brief in Opposition to Plaintiff's Motion for Reinstatement

Plaintiff has got to be kidding.

Respectfully submitted,
Simpson & Moran
By Donald A. Van Sullehem
Attorneys for Defendant
Birmingham, Mich.

The Ridiculous Business-Jargon Dictionary

“From fresh-faced interns to top management, everyone drops one of these gems occasionally. We can only hope that you're not here to actually add these buzzwords to your vocabulary.”

I have to admit, though, that I kind of like “warm bowl of nothing.” (Hat tip to the [non]billable hour.)

If only the Bluebook were this much fun

For canon lawyers everywhere, Dr. Ed Peters presents his "solaranite-powered guide to the footnotes of the 1917 Code" of Canon Law. It's everything you need to know to interpret canon-law citations, according to a Plan 9 From Outer Space theme. (Hat tip to dotCommonweal.)

Bull

The Plain English Campaign has announced the winners of this year's Golden Bull Award, given for "the worst examples of written tripe." As you might expect, finalists include some attempts at legal writing:

• IT IS ORDERED THAT THE CLAIM BE ADJOURNED GENERALLY WITH PERMISSION TO THE CLAIMANT TO RESTORE TO THE LIST WITHOUT FORMAL APPLICATION NOT LATER THAN 16:00 HOURS ON THE 12TH SEPTEMBER 2006 WHEREUPON THE CLAIM DO STAND STRUCK OUT IF NOT SO RESTORED.
• Hereby in accordance with the provision of the Building Act 1984, Section 32 declares that the said plans shall be of no effect and accordingly the said Act and the said Building Regulations shall as respects the proposed work have effect as if no plan had been deposited.

(Hat tip to Bad Language.)